Well…that was a waste of time!...But ask me again in 10 years.

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

So much of what we do can feel like a waste of time. Especially professionally. Meetings that could have been emails, applying for jobs we don’t get, pursuing businesses that don’t pan out, chasing clients or connections who ghost us.

As we gain more experience and savvy, we can avoid some of the hassle, but not always. I’ve invested countless hours in work, meetings, potential clients and other pursuits that didn’t work out. Looking back it always feels like, “WHAT A WASTE!” I think of all the things I could have been doing or achieved if I hadn’t squandered my time on these fruitless activities.

But as time goes by– a week, a month, a year– the oddest thing happens. I start to realize that it wasn't a waste after all. Or at least not entirely. 

When I arrived at Penn Station in New York City on December 1, 2017 carrying almost all my personal belongings (Thanks Ekema for helping to schlep!), the previous three years felt like a huge mistake. As I stared out the window as the west side of Manhattan went by, it all felt like a terrible waste. I was broke, I was unemployed, I had nothing on the horizon except a rented room with some friends and the shame of having let things reach this point.

Despite what anyone else said, I regretted moving to New York. I regretted quitting my job to become a life coach. I was embarrassed that I had to ask my parents for money. I was angry that I couldn’t get that time back. This was stuff you did in your 20s, not your 30s. 

But a year went by. Then another. Then the pandemic. Eventually the fog started to lift. I started remembering why moving to New York seemed like the right choice at the time.

• I wanted to escape my pet sitting business, which I hated but didn’t know how to leave.

• I wanted a fresh start in my relationship with my boyfriend.

• I had (what I thought was enough) money and work experience to try something bold.

It still felt like a mistake, but I could appreciate why it seemed like a good idea. Once I could forgive myself for making this decision, I started to recall some of the great experiences that I wouldn’t have had without New York.

• I became a life coach

• I discovered Toastmasters

• I wrote a book

• I met lots of interesting people

Finally ten years later, I feel a full sense of gratitude for everything that happened.

• I lived in New York! Not everyone has that chance.

• I met my therapist!

• I can truly cherish my small town life.

• I know that things can fall apart and I’ll be okay.

Positive Psychologist and Researcher Shawn Achor says in his TED Talk, “75 percent of job successes are predicted by your optimism levels, your social support and your ability to see stress as a challenge instead of as a threat.”

What would have happened if I had been able to reach this conclusion sooner? I don’t know, but it’s given me more motivation to see things less as a waste and more of a lesson I just haven’t learned yet.